https://bit.ly/3s1VQes
https://bit.ly/3MIM36M
https://bit.ly/3eInRVp
https://bit.ly/3ySTlin
https://bit.ly/3s1VZi0
https://bit.ly/3Sbd7fN
https://bit.ly/3s1W1GE
https://bit.ly/3S8K6Bt

That said, it’s voluntary – no one is entitled to marriage. If you want to get married, speak up, don’t wait in silence.

104OffTheCuff February 17, 2013 at 11:46 pm
Mega: “I’ll be the dissenting opinion on this one, it didn’t happen immediately. From this cautious guy’s perspective, having not dated multiple women at the same time, nor aimlessly jumping from GF to GF, a significant period of “just dating” (exclusively) was essential. Several years, actually. Plenty of time to get to know each other, to see if we could communicate as a couple, develop common interests, meet each other’s friends and family, assess each other’s financial habits, etc.”

Mega, I agree with this here, except for the “dissenting” part. When I say “all in” I didn’t mean ready to marry or move in on propose, I mean “all in”, as in taking the relationship as seriously as I do now.

105Megaman February 17, 2013 at 11:53 pm
@OTC

Oh, please. I’m still pro-marriage, family, and children…

Heh, I have to say this does come across like an exceedingly grudging admission, all things considered… :???:

106Jesse February 18, 2013 at 1:32 am
I’ve never been married, but that can’t stop me from making a little logical exercise out of this.

Let’s start with a quick definition of a healthy marriage as one in which each is concerned for the well-being of the other above their own. (Some here were mentioning common values, which is nice, but there are lots of people whom I share values with but with whom I would never, ever want to be married.)

Now I work backwards. The question to ask is what makes this so? What characteristics of a woman would drive me to devote my energy to helping her?

This is where my lack of data begins to show, but off the top of my head I came up with two important attributes: attractiveness and admirable qualities. The former should be fairly easy to understand though I’ll note it is not solely determined by physical appearance. The latter is a little tougher to define, though for me it clearly includes things like honesty, determination, courage, ambition, kindness and generosity.

Those are things that would make me want to be with a woman, but I suppose the other obvious thing is for her to show an interest in me. If she’s an interesting, attractive, admirable person, and she shines her light on me… then I guess I’m sold.

On a basic level I think each person has to continue to offer things the other wants, which means each person has to keep up or hopefully increase their value to the other over time, at least in the areas under one’s control. This should be a fairly clear warning against complacency.