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by Amelia on 2005 Feb 6 - 18:07 | reply to this comment
Not a bastard?
Frankly, when you say he's not a bastard who doesn't care about your feelings, I think you are deluding yourself. Everything you say about him indicates to me that he IS a bastard who doesn't care about your feelings. Telling you you're not submissve enough, telling you to change your tone of voice, the man is SICK. If he's making you feel wretched and stifled then for God's sake tell him to STOP IT! You don't HAVE to do any of this, it's supposed to be a CONSENSUAL relationship, it's supposed to make you HAPPIer, if it isn't then tell him to knock it off.

by Louise C on 2005 Feb 6 - 19:29 | reply to this comment
Digging In..
You know, there it is in a nutshell. This isn't really about you needing to protect your man, it is more of his failure to see you do it. In the beginning I for one would initially agree with anything to simply keep from showing my point of view, particularly if it differed from his. But he loved me and watched me and saw that I was compromising. And that is NOT part of the deal. This is about honesty and done with love. I wanted him to control, but not through his own needs, but to have me happy so his needs were met as a result. I think you have already lost the control you crave so much. You are not happy. That alone means you aren't getting what you want. It seems that now you have a stab at some illusion.

It really only takes 3 words to help here. And they are simply 'I'm Not Happy'. Not tearing him down, not you crying stop. Simply something to talk about. What has happened is that you found what does work and what doesn't. You can take those guidelines and use what works and throw away the rest. Guide him to watching you more closely. Have a set rule where you speak first, always. He will restrain himself until you have your say. If he cannot do this, rethink your position and if you want this with this particular man. You have lots to keep. But again, if this turns into resentment or you lose the relationship over it, the words of 'I'm not happy' seem a small price to pay. It's worse in your head than it is in happening. Love...Blush

by Blush on 2005 Feb 7 - 02:46 | reply to this comment
Go slowly!
Hi Amelia,