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I am very good at getting worked up into a terrible state over something minor. I find it very hard to talk about things when I'm in that state, and have never been "taught" how to deal with frustration and anger properly, so I bottle it up, explode, and burst into floods of angry tears - angry at myself, mind, for being weak.
This is pretty close to my wife.
I convince myself I'm useless, and act like I'm hell-bent on dragging everyone else down with me. Any attempts and being reassuring, encouraging or supportive at any point during this simply gives me an opening to run myself down even more.
Also close to her (at least as far as I can see). But here's the difference: I don't think she sees herself as being weak or useless and I don't think she realizes that her problem is within... at least not "in the moment".
She seems to really think that what she is yelling about is the real problem, until/unless I try to focus on it. As soon as I address her feelings, rather than her stated reason for them, she starts to come around, but it's a slow and arduous process.
Pre-DD, this behaviour would end up causing a row. Pre-DD,it would run along all of that course, and usually my husband would be none the wiser about what it was that sparked it, just that I felt bad about myself for some reason. .
Yes. I used to be equally clueless.
Now, depending on how far into that little rut I've got, either a stern word or a spanking pulls me back to myself, and lets me open up and be receptive to support and encouragement.
We're not there yet. It takes a lot of stern words and a lot of arguing back and forth before I am able to break through to her.
I need to be taken in hand before I'm able to accept support.
Same here. It's just that it takes a lot of work to get her in hand. Perhaps moving to a spanking sooner will help. I don't really know. She hasn't had a major blow up since I've been sharing thoughts with y'all. I expect it will be a week or two before the next one. By that time I will hopefully have this thought out to the point where I will be ready.
by carlf on 2004 Apr 15 - 01:40 | reply to this comment
re: Spanking for emotional release
Melanie

Thank you for your perspective. Between you, Confused, Nina, Sarah and several others, I'm able to assemble bits and pieces that add up to an understanding of where my wife may be coming from.
Spanking helps me a lot when I'm "wound up" and I need emotional release. I'm basically upset, as a baseline state, and it only takes something small to set me off, something that normally wouldn't upset me. ... So the upset, in these instances, isn't really about whatever it seems to be about - that's just a trigger.