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by DeeMarie on 2004 Nov 24 - 23:26 | reply to this comment

Reality check

When I said I made it through 17 years of marriage I was not talking about it as an ordeal. I'm talking about living through all that boring real life stuff that goes along with the hot spicy passion you seem to think marriage should be about all the time. You know, you're still going to have to cook dinner, pay bills, do the laundry, etc. And I'm saying that it's a great romantic fantasy, finding this man who scares you because he's willing to rough you up.

 

But most decent guys are not willing to "rough you up." It's the abusers who do that kind of thing you describe, grabbing your wrists and pinning you against the wall. You can't easily get a dominant man who isn't abusive to do that. You can get a guy to be a spanker but this stuff, sorry, it's a real hallmark of abuse and the guys who are willing to do it are the ones you better watch out for.

 

What I meant was that I can take seriously what a person who's been married a good while says about marriage and the dynamics, but it's hard to take it seriously from someone whose head is filled with romantic dreams and no reality testing.

 

I honestly think there are dominant guys around who might be good for you but that the kind of thing you describe is just not realistic and you are going to wait a very long time before you find Mr. Perfect.

 

Speaking of which, Shel Silverstein had a great poem on the pitfalls of perfectionism. It is called "Almost Perfect, But Not Quite." Suggest you read and rethink.